First of all let me apologize for being literal garbage at realizing what day of the week it is. I completely missed this Thursday’s post. Oops. Thank you for coming back though!
Since I’m still trying to figure out what to write about and what kind of stuff I’d like to do besides my adventure day’s of course, I found inspiration for this little blurb of writing via Facebook. It won’t be long…. probably. I have a tendency to be long winded in things like this, but here we go!
Dear Me (from 2010),
Greetings from the future! It’s nearly 2020 and with 10 years of hindsight in my pocket, I wanted to write you a little letter about what we’ve endured.
First off, all the good things that happened. We were accepted to our dream high school after years of hard work, you got to go to Mexico, you found several friends in unlikely places, and reconnect for stronger bonds with someone that’s in your life right now. Percy Jackson the series does end (technically), but Rick Riordan is a saint and continues writing with different mythologies and viewpoints which is a huge bonus and something to look forward to. You discover so many new anime’s and there is a show called Bob’s Burgers that will bring you so much joy. You get a dog, a dog that loves you so much and she is the light of your life. You go into college for a field you actually want to do, not historian like we said in 7th grade, but in the same vein and much cooler. You bond with your family and you’re on a road to forgive them for the things they’ve done to us.
You fall in love, a couple of times actually, and we get married to one of them. He’s amazing and supportive and will make you smile even when you feel your worst. You are now a self proclaimed polymath, with interests in painting, writing, photography, music, history, biology, and mechanics. You can play the ukulele now! Not at well as some, but it’s pink and brings you joy. We go hiking and play video games with our human and we’re working towards the goal to live on the road and see the world. All of these things are facts. They have happened and I am grateful.
But we have to talk about the bad things that happen. Your mental health fractures. That school you were so excited to get into? It breaks your spirit and your mind. You’re put in a mental hospital multiple times to avoid hurting yourself, something you began doing long before this school. Your bullies will not get justice. They will go on and actually become friends with people you were once close to. There is a car crash that will destroy you for a little while. You are abandoned and your heart gets broken, and you get really close one night to successfully ending your life. Like really close, you still have an ugly scar. You go to college the first time to avoid your problems and end up flunking out because your problems follow you. Your refusal to deal with your mental health bites you in the butt in a cycle that you will refuse to acknowledge. You will lose family members and friends one by one and become so paranoid you can’t leave the house some days. You will have so many financial problems. Girl, like so many. And control issues that make you sick. There is an entire month out of the year that becomes a blackness that you couldn’t seem to find your way out of until recently. There are so many days that I wish I could take away from you, to make those times that seem unbearable a little better. But they are my past and your future and there’s nothing we can do about them.
I know reading that is hard. At 14, we don’t really want to think about all the bad that will come in life. We are already well aware how hard life can be and I remember feeling trapped at that age. In a small town with hardly any friends because everyone seems to hate you for some reason and a not great homelife (your mom does get better, I promise), we already had begun hurting ourselves to feel something besides the pain inside. I remember all of this, but I have to tell you something.
Life goes on and good things do happen. I know there’s not a perfect future ahead of you, but it’s yours and it’s special. It makes us who we are today. Someone who we are beginning to be proud of is taking shape. And to tide you over until then just know that I love you. I love all the horse shirts you own and your enthusiasm. I love your gullibleness and your inability to eat something green on tacos. I love your stupid poetry and all the of the Bleach memorabilia you own. I’ve learned to love you for who I was, someone just trying to figure it out. So be strong and I’ll see you later!
Love,
Brooke
If you made it this far thank you so much! I’m not going to lie this was an emotional piece and I hope by sharing it, I can help someone else who needs to hear these words. If you have any ideas on how to help my writing or want to share something you’d pass on to your younger self, please do so in the comments!
Until our next adventure!
Southern Nomad 